Technology Evades Technology Correspondant

I am the Technology Correspondent for our online news website, which can be visited at http://www.mediastudent.com/newsonline

Now, i am the Technology Correspondent. However when it comes to technology, i seem to have about as much luck as Dean Gaffney in a nightclub.

This would not be an issue if i was reporting sport or crime, but I am the Technology Correspondent, I'm reporting technology, the very area i have no luck in, Dilemma.

Let me explain my latest run in my electrical friends.

For my latest story, the criteria was set that i should include a piece of audio. Delightful, not a problem, i hired the equipment, prepared my interview, piece of cake. Or not, you see this would have been done and dusted and id be sitting at home with my poodle, eating a custard cream by now, me that is, not the poodle, had the damn audio equipment showed any sign of life. But my experiences with technology always tend to throw up these lovely little issues for me to resolve.

Bottom line, the audio didn't happen in any way shape or form. Fair enough, i should have attempted to complete the task earlier, to allow time to tackle such problems, but i put my faith in the equipment, I'm an optimist you see. So perhaps the crime i am most guilty of is naivety, naivety in believing that the blasted audio equipment would work!

So take heed my friends, never trust technology, it will let you down. I'm off now to absorb a verbal barrage from my University tutor, who will demand to see the audio clip that i unfortunately have not obtained. I will no doubt receive a roasting of extreme severity, after all, the man supports Bolton. This could get physical.

Jamie Oliver

Jamie Oliver i hate you!

I have witnessed many pointless human beings in my life, infact i seldom make it through a day without having to deal with at least one numpty who i'd rather banish. However if i was to pick one person as the most pointless excuse of man i have ever clapped eyes on, it would be that pillock Jamie Oliver.

Ok you can cook, Ok you have nice wavey hair, Ok you sweat your tits off to whip up a feast for 53 friends on a tuesday night. So what, piss off! i don't want to see you mincing around a kitchen, chatting shit while i'm tucking into my meat and two veg.

Now, i'm not an unreasonable person, i can see you have some talent and so fair enough i can put up with you being on TV. What i can't put up with however, is you telling me how i should live my life. He used to be satisfied with rustling up an omelettes on channel two, now the tw*t sees himself as some kind of saviour, a cult hero. You can't shake the bugger off, he's into everything, Politics, Health, Education, Global warming. What's next, running for London Mayor? a chair at the G8 summit, for God's sake.

Everyone has an opinion, me included, i'd love nothing more than to turn up at primary schools and belittle fat kids by offering them spinach parcels, but do i?course i don't, it's not my place, nor is it yours Jamie so f*ck off!

We don't need you telling us what to feed our kids, perhaps you'd like to have a say on what i should wear today or what time i go to bed, infact why not come and wipe my arse for me.

Here's an idea for you Jamie. Ive come up with a plan to tackle obesity and Global warming at the same time. Why not round up all the obese in a huge butterfly net and make them run on treadmills attached to electricity generators. The weight would drop off them, marvellous! now sit back and watch the ice caps emerge.

Or better still, forget Global warming and let the obese lose weight in a far more worthy fashion ...............

Giving you the damn good kicking you deserve.

Online Journalism, a Necessity!

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This may seem a ridiculous idea to you but Online journalism is growing faster than Vanessa Feltz's waistline. The days of the local newspaper are numbered, they're on the way out, fading away like a little tiny ant into a little tiny piece of hay. In its place Online journalism is slowly engulfing its competitors.

So budding journalists must ask themselves the question, do you want to ignore the fact that Online journalism is taking over and fade away into the wilderness of Media Siberia or do you want recognise this fact, embrace it and become a Media God.

Online journalism skills hold the key, if you have no skills you are no use to anyone, your a bafoon, especially in the Media world and gaining skills in the areas that are to be most influential is of vital importance. Online journalism is slowly evaporating the need for other forms of journalism and so skills in this area will determine whether you are to succeed or fail like the big failing failure your destined to be. Journalists you hold the key to your destiny, don't let yourselves down.