Jamie Oliver

Jamie Oliver i hate you!

I have witnessed many pointless human beings in my life, infact i seldom make it through a day without having to deal with at least one numpty who i'd rather banish. However if i was to pick one person as the most pointless excuse of man i have ever clapped eyes on, it would be that pillock Jamie Oliver.

Ok you can cook, Ok you have nice wavey hair, Ok you sweat your tits off to whip up a feast for 53 friends on a tuesday night. So what, piss off! i don't want to see you mincing around a kitchen, chatting shit while i'm tucking into my meat and two veg.

Now, i'm not an unreasonable person, i can see you have some talent and so fair enough i can put up with you being on TV. What i can't put up with however, is you telling me how i should live my life. He used to be satisfied with rustling up an omelettes on channel two, now the tw*t sees himself as some kind of saviour, a cult hero. You can't shake the bugger off, he's into everything, Politics, Health, Education, Global warming. What's next, running for London Mayor? a chair at the G8 summit, for God's sake.

Everyone has an opinion, me included, i'd love nothing more than to turn up at primary schools and belittle fat kids by offering them spinach parcels, but do i?course i don't, it's not my place, nor is it yours Jamie so f*ck off!

We don't need you telling us what to feed our kids, perhaps you'd like to have a say on what i should wear today or what time i go to bed, infact why not come and wipe my arse for me.

Here's an idea for you Jamie. Ive come up with a plan to tackle obesity and Global warming at the same time. Why not round up all the obese in a huge butterfly net and make them run on treadmills attached to electricity generators. The weight would drop off them, marvellous! now sit back and watch the ice caps emerge.

Or better still, forget Global warming and let the obese lose weight in a far more worthy fashion ...............

Giving you the damn good kicking you deserve.